The Act of Creation and the Blocks We Create

Dancers 
watercolor and graphite
copyright Rhonda Davis

I have been thinking a lot about creation. Specifically how I have been a bit blocked the past year as far as my normal output or even showing up at the sketchbook to carve out ideas for new work. I seem to get sidetracked a lot. That is a sure sign that I am blocked and looking for things to numb the anxiety of not being at the page. 

I have noticed that I am not alone. 

I started seeing it a lot in the bloggers that I follow such as Cait Flanders, whose blog I followed because of her amazing content. At some point, she decided that the act of blogging and the act of "being out there" was taking a toll on her ability to "be here". I was sad when she announced she was only going to do an email list and retire from blogging, but I applaud her ability to see what is not working for her and changing it. It is going against the grain of "influencers" that are putting themselves out there even when what they are putting out isn't the real thing. I prize someone who is able to be authentic. I know an artist that constantly tweets, posts on facebook and instagram in a manner that is truly not what is real. It is like watching a used car salesman in the worst way. And the fact is that this person acknowledges that what they put out is what they want "their fans" to think, not what is actually happening. I had to back away from this person as have a lot of others who have wearied of this person. 

So the question becomes: At one point do you realize things are not going as they should and how do you remedy that?

For me, at least temporarily, it means that I am really going to be intentional about how I allow social media into my life. My massage therapist told me of an app that is available automatically on Apple phones with the new updates called "Screen Time". I installed it yesterday and have not been pleased with what I am seeing. The mindless scrolling and playing on Facebook to fill the time is too much. So I am trying to use it for 15 minutes at the beginning of the day and for 15 minutes at the end. I have noticed that Facebook leaves me tense and stressed lately, so this is my response. I need to spend that stolen and mindless activity time drawing and learning to get past the need to produce "successful" drawings every time. I saw an article on deliberately striving to make bad work and it was illuminating. 

To make work that you KNOW is not going to be perfect or immediately marketable is something that I recognize as outside my normal mode of operation. So this is why I am going to devote time each day to something that is deliberately not "successful". I have blocked myself creatively lately and I want to see if this will move me past that. In a way, this blog is one of my projects that I am doing not for perfection, but just to DO. Worrying whether anyone will read this or even caring if anyone does is something that I have thought about. I am OK with just putting these posts of random thoughts out in the world with no feedback. Part of the magic is just getting it out of my head and into the open. 

Sometimes it is the process, not the product , that is the most important thing. 

And that is fine with me. 

As the season progresses and it gets colder, I am trying to find a balance between what I am having to maneuver around in my house and what I release aka get rid of. I have a bad tendency to look at things in a far more hopeful manner than is practical, so my goal this Fall/Winter is to whittle things to what I really love.

This is proving to be a challenge.

Even with the advice of professional organizers on letting go, I attach sentimental meaning to far too many things, as if they have feelings and will feel rejected. Not sure where that comes from, but I am sure it is a product of me imagination. I've got to get over that.

So the goal this season is to take 3 things out in the category that comes in. If one book comes in, three go out. Mugs, baking dishes...same theory. Have you ever done this? I come from a family of  "savers", which is proving to be deeply rooted in my habits. So here I am at over 50 years old, contemplating the crap I am going to be burdening my kids with when I pass along and it is not something I want to heave on them.

There is a book that addresses this. It is called something along the lines of Swedish death cleaning, where you get rid of crap with the goal of not burdening your loved ones when you do finally leave this earth. I was tempted to buy the book on Amazon --then I realized that is the exact action that has given me the excessive book collection I currently have. So I will try to borrow it from the library or go through inter-library loan this month. The weather is getting colder, so it is a good time to take in inspiration on purging.

Any plans for the winter season? Are there things you want to work on? Drop me a comment. I'd love to hear your ideas!

Slow Going

Fall is a time when I am reminded to take stock of what I have accomplished and what I haven't accomplished over the past months since the beginning of the year. I have struggled with getting motivated to finish the tasks on my TO DO list lately. The lower light and cooler temperatures are a bit of a damper for some of us-- me included. But I did go to the Finger Lake region of New York recently and that has provided some inspiration for several things.

One of the things that I keep saying I want to do since the kids are grown is travel more. But I find myself making excuses when it actually comes down to it. I had an opportunity to accompany my husband to Syracuse, NY on a business trip last year and I passed at the last minute. This time, I went.

I loved it.

I was able to hang out with friends of ours that had moved from Kansas to Geneva, New York and they were gracious and absolutely amazing ambassadors for their new home area. I left New York with a thought that I could easily see us living there if only there were jobs in my husband's industry. One of the things that I am stoked about is going back in May for the Finger Lakes Pottery trail. I bought a really cool coffee scoop from an artists collective when we were in Ithaca (I love Ithaca!!!) and noticed there are a lot of potters in the area that participate in the pottery tour. I am going back for a longer period in May so that I can engage and explore more of the area. The waterfalls and the trails are amazing there. I fell in love with the downtown areas of several places and we went to the Corning Glass Museum, which we both agreed we will come back again and spend at least two days there. I didn't really explore Syracuse too much since we had a busy agenda, but that is on the plans for the next time. It was really a great time. And it made me really think "What is keeping me from traveling more?!". The kids are grown and I can board the dogs if my husband is traveling with me. Or we can take them with us if we can find a place that accommodates four legged friends. It is all in the perspective. I sometimes hold myself back. Time to get over that. I want to take the train next time. Or drive part of the way so that I can load up the car with pottery. LOL. It was probably a good thing we were limited since we were flying.

The visit to the artist collective in Ithaca really gave me a much needed boost in creative fire. I haven't done too well at getting art completed and shows applied to since last year. I am in a fallow period, which is ok, but it is time to get fired up again. I have several drawings in various stages of completion and I am working on taking some of my work into three dimensional form--possibly in ceramic. Lately I have spent a fair amount of time throwing bowls for the local Empty Bowls event and a couple other things. Throwing on the wheel is pretty relaxing. I have a membership to a maker space here in town and there is a great ceramics area that is available to members 24/7. Going in during the early morning hours when there is absolutely nobody in the room--or in the whole makers space sometimes-- is a very calming ritual. That said, I am getting to the point where I am amassing a fair amount of bowls and other pottery, so it is time to start figuring out what to do with it. I am perfecting the bowls and then moving on to other forms in the coming weeks. I will probably do some of my drawing on ceramics, but getting the forms down is a priority. I feel like I am hopefully coming out of my hibernation creatively, which is good. There is nothing fun about being blocked creatively.

Counting Chickens Before They Hatch

Well, I did it.

I pissed off the Kiln Gods.

I was on track to meet my goal of donating 2 dozen bowls for the Empty Bowls Project here in town and I made an offhand joke about the kiln gods either being angels or assholes in response to the fact I was going to have to refire 9 bowls because the glaze pinholed.

And then the load with my bowls in it had a kiln failure.

Not just a kiln failure, but a complete "melt the socket and plug at the wall" failure. This is at the makers space that I am a member of, so it also affected several other people with work destined for other purposes as well as the Empty Bowls event. It figures. But then it is never a given that the kiln gods will cooperate as you plan, so it is what it is. I have a dozen bowls that are made and while I am hoping that I can reach my 2 dozen goal, I will have to be satisfied that I at least got a dozen bowls done. That means that when things actually do turn out, I will have a lot of extra bowls. Everyone in my family is going to get several bowls for Christmas. But that is not a bad thing. I am going to continue to make bowls in the upcoming weeks so that I can keep working towards bigger bowls, which has been a struggle for me. Pulling forms taller than 12" is something I need to work on.

On the "self care" front, I have decided that over the next couple weeks I am going to spend a heck of a lot less time with toxic things such as Facebook, and a lot more time painting, writing and exploring both the outside world and the inside world. I am going to Syracuse in a bit so that I can finally start acting on my desire to travel. An opportunity came up for me to go on a trip with my husband and while I usually stay home to "hold down the fort", this time I decided that the fort can manage itself. I have made excuses that subconsciously have been an attempt at "comfort". I have realized that getting out of my comfort zone is something that does not happen as often as it should. So I am going to Syracuse.

I am also taking along books on writing haiku and poetry. I have always loved haiku but have gotten away from it since my kids were born. I think it is time to get back. I start every morning with writing my three pages of morning pages, so adding a haiku writing time would not be too much trouble. Do you have a writing practice? I always hesitate to say "writing practice" because I feel it puts it at a level that is lofty and precious. Writing practices should be neither. They should be awkward, honest, painful at times and without expectations and rules. But the vulnerability is frightening too. So for many years I have put it aside. At this stage in my life I am trying to connect more with my inside world than my outside world, so writing is as important as any other form of expression.

And so it is. What is expected is not always what is going to happen. That might be the most important thing to remember.

Pottery As Meditation And Engagement

I have been throwing a lot of bowls on the pottery wheel as a method of meditation and engagement lately.

After an on/off again relationship with the craft, it seems to me that the fact I keep coming back to it over a 30 year period is something I need to listen to. I tend to be bad at listening to signals the universe throws at me until they hit me square in the forehead.

I can't claim to be proficient or professional in the medium, but there is something about it that keeps bringing me back. The kids are grown and on their own, so I have the time to explore and spend more time getting it figured out. Lately clay is allowing me to find a way to contribute and give back to community causes in a very real way through our local Empty Bowls event.

Empty Bowls is a grassroots worldwide initiative that addresses hunger worldwide by focusing locally. Wichita has had a version of that for a couple years now. It is a very popular event where the community can come make bowls--even if they have never made anything in clay before--and those bowls are then sold on the event day. Potters also contribute bowls. You can buy a bowl at the event and it is filled with soup. You get a bowl, a full belly and the good feeling that you helped give to the food bank here in town. A win win situation.  I have wanted to contribute for quite some time and this year I decided to learn to throw a bowl on the wheel and pledged 2 dozen bowls for the event. It has been great practice throwing bowls! I have really enjoyed myself. Here are a couple bowls I made that are destined for the event.

I am a member of a makers space here in Wichita called MakeICT and they have a ceramics room with wheels and a kiln. All I have to do is buy clay. If  I want to use glazes different from the ones they have, then I purchase and use those. I recently attended a 3 day workshop by John Britt that taught glaze making for mid fire clays and I am looking forward to making my own glazes in the upcoming months. We currently only have three wheels--one that I actually like to use--so it can be a challenge to throw during busy times. I have discovered that I am fortunate that during the day when everyone else is at work, the ceramics room is all mine (most of the time). This has been an amazing time to just sit quietly and focus on the act of throwing the clay. It is an amazing way to just slow down, focus and "be".

Throwing requires being aware of the movement of the clay, the movement of your body and the actions of the wheel. It is frustrating at first, but once you learn how to center the clay, it becomes an exercise in creative choices. I love this.

Throwing on the wheel and making functional pottery has also helped me think about our throw away culture and how our conveniences are wrecking the environment. I have been trying to eat at places that actually serve on real plates, use real glasses and silverware and I have to admit it hasn't been a success all the time. It is surprising to see how accustomed I have been to eating at places that enable consumers to generate a lot of waste and plastic. I am trying to be more mindful of it and I am choosing to prepare and consume more meals at home and focus on reducing plastic when I buy things. That is a bit of a slow process for me, unfortunately. I am FOREVER forgetting my reusable bags at home when I go grocery shopping! So my goal is to REMEMBER. I don't know if it is possible to have zero impact because everything exerts a cost on the environment, but I am working on doing the little things that have impact both for the environment and my community. Pottery has helped me work towards this. It has also provided a form of relaxation and thoughtfulness.

I am thankful for the opportunities to create and contribute.

What Matters: An experiment.

Social media has become pretty toxic the past couple years--especially since the election. Not only has it been a platform for bullies and bullshit, but it has also come to light that companies like Facebook have sold our personal data to the highest bidder. That is both scary and irritating. 

As a result, I have been trying to engage with social media in a more deliberate manner. I have also been trying to become aware of when I am being manipulated so that I can shut it off. The fact that what I look at on Amazon pops up on Facebook is also alarming. That shows that data is being shared for profit. I am a number. But the idea for blogging is a bit easier to engage with, even though it is supposedly no longer as popular as it once was. Oh well, I never followed fads anyway. This is for me. 

In the upcoming week, my goal is to do more FACE TIME with REAL PEOPLE. Actual face time. I am slowly moving from Facebook to Instagram, which is owned by Facebook but appears to be less saturated with bull at this time. That could easily change as people move away from Facebook. I am a visual person, so Instagram is a bit more fitting. But I am limiting my time on it as well in favor of reading and getting back to some creative activities like pottery.

With the kids grown and on their own, I have been trying to figure out exactly what to do with my time, and it has come back around to pottery. I started working with pottery or some form of ceramics when I was a teenager and it seems that I put it down and then circle back to it again. This time I found a makers space with a wheel and kiln and I have spent afternoons making bowls for Empty Bowls, a worldwide charity. Our local one benefits the food bank here in town. I committed to 2 dozen bowls and as of right now, I am three shy of getting my goal. By the time the event rolls around, I will have my 2 dozen completed. There is something about the wheel that has captured my attention. I am still working on perfecting my throwing, but it has been fun to see how far I have come. My eventual goal is to have a wheel at home. I was given two small kilns recently and eventually I want to have a studio either close to home or in the garage. I am trying to visualize it and manifest it in any way possible. 

I was going to title this post "Things That I Am Avoiding", but that sounds pretty negative. Instead I am taking some time to figure out what is going on in my life and how I can spend my time in a more meaningful way. What matters? That has been my big question for myself. And the scary part is that most of the time, I don't have a definite answer. I figured by the time I got to 53, I would know something about which direction I should take. I don't. I have found that I have so many interests and I dabble in so much that I have not perfected one particular thing except my drawings. Now I am trying to figure out "Who am I" now that my kids are grown and I have time. That "time" always seemed so far in the future. Now it is here and I am a bit adrift. 

I have an upcoming trip to Syracuse, New York planned and I am pretty excited that I actually took the initiative and said I wanted to go instead of staying around Wichita. Traveling is something I have always wanted to do and now I have no engagements that require my presence here in town, so I am going to be more open to travel. Has anyone been to Syracuse? I have never been to that part of the United States and I am looking forward to it. It will be a sightseeing trip for me, a business trip for my husband. I have been looking at the museums and things to do there. The flying part is not my favorite, but it will be good to get there quickly and start exploring. I have a friend that moved to the area, so she is going to show me around at least one of the days. I am searching out pottery studios and art galleries in the area also. And bookstores. I always hit at least one bookstore while I am anywhere. That said, the thrift stores have been an excellent source for books that are already on my Amazon wish list. I have been surprised. The hotel we are in has a fireplace in the room, so nights will be spent reading in front of the fireplace. That is exciting to me! I want a fireplace in our house! 

Fall is supposedly here and I have had a restless 2018. I am looking ahead to making opportunities and making art for the remainder of the year. What are your plans? 

Slow mornings

copyright Rhonda Davis

I have a billion things to do today and zero motivation, so I figured I would take advantage of the day to hang out at home and make a dent in some "me" time. It has rained pretty consistently the past week or two, so maybe that is contributing to my tiredness. I do love the rain though. Yesterday I was at the library when it started to get grey and rainy, so I took my book pile over to the large windows that are an amazing feature of our new downtown library and read while it rained. Pretty satisfying. I realized that I have the luxury of being able to do this more often and I don't take advantage of it as much as I should. That will change.

I have been working pretty hard to throw at least 24 bowls on the pottery wheel for the upcoming "Empty Bowls" fundraiser here in Wichita and I am at a point where 9 bowls are drying and I have hogged all the space on the drying racks that I can without feeling guilty, so now I am waiting. I will be 12 bowls short of my goal to contribute 2 dozen this year, but I am going to throw 6 a day for the next two days so I can hit my mark before it is time to present them to the event. Our makerspace potters are contributing bowls as a group, so this will be a fun thing to do.

It has also been good practice and an exercise in realizing that I am not cut out to be a production potter. Throwing 12 (3-4pound) balls of clay completely wipes me out. After 10, I am prone to having silly accidents that usually end up wiping out at least 2 of the 12, so my new "normal" is going to be 6 at a time. Definitely a do-able goal and it ends up letting me throw more consistent bowls of better quality. But as any potter knows, it is not a bowl until it is sitting on the table, finished. So much can go wrong between the first bisque firing and the last glaze fire that it is unwise to count your chickens before they hatch. The Kiln God is a persnickity little jerk sometimes and it is always a crapshoot as to how the final piece will turn out. I have to admit, there is something magical about the process and it is extremely satisfying to eat out of something that you made from a ball of clay. I think that connection to the process is one of the things we are missing in America. We are such "end use consumers" that we have lost track of HOW things are made and WHO makes them. I don't forsee us going back to a completely handmade culture and there are times I like the convenience, but there is something to be said for handmade. This includes simple actions like writing, drawing and cooking. These things helps us connect to ourselves in basic ways that mass produced items just cannot.

The Art of Baking as a Retreat from Life

Lately, the world, the United States specifically, is in chaos. People cannot seem to just figure out how to embrace the differences and get along or are trying to blame others for things they have not participated in. If some people didn't get their way in the election, then they are bound and determined to bring the whole nation down as an attempt to throw a tantrum to get their way. The funny thing is that while people want to protest in huge numbers, once they leave that little event, they do nothing to go about making their corner of the world a better place.

 THAT is where the change starts. In your own little corner of the world. And then it grows outward from there. How? Volunteer at a soup kitchen or a food distribution point. Take a meal to an elderly shut in. Smile at people on the street, no matter how different they are from you. Trust me, they are more like you than you can imagine.

At this point, the mental exhaustion of watching the childish posts and games on both social and mainstream media has me a bit exhausted and not feeling very optimistic for the future. Although I know humans have always had periods of unrest (thinking the 60's in the United States), I feel a need to disconnect and turn homeward to nurse my mental fatigue from the world. My method of release is baking. So, in the upcoming weeks and months, I will be highlighting some of my favorite soup and bread recipes. I will be sharing stories of makers. I will be sharing stories of connections.

I hope you enjoy the upcoming posts. Remember that positive change happens with you, not politicians or the media. Make connections, ask questions, start positive conversations.

Slow Going

I have been a bit slow about posting here and I was feeling guilty as heck. But lately I have decided to do away with the guilt and just post as much as I can and when I can. I think the pressure to perform sucked out the fun and adventure, which is the reason I had decided to start blogging again. I am looking for my voice, so I have to acknowledge it is going to take a bit of bumping around for a bit.

So bear with me.

When blogging first burst onto the scene several SEVERAL years ago, I had two blogs going and posted almost daily. Then the kids graduated, I went back to school for my BFA (Bachelor's of Fine Art), graduated and now I am working from my studio trying to find my footing as an older artist. There is so much art already in the world, how does one find their "voice". But then, how does one find their "voice" in a world that is crowded with so many other voices trying to compete for air? It is a question I have been thinking about a lot lately. Especially in light of the bizarre mean spirited gangs that pop up on social media when a person does not fall into line with the views of a certain group of people.

 I have been sad at the erosion of freedom that has occurred and the group think that has started to define social media. While I find Facebook and Instagram a great source of articles, I have noticed a general mean spirited element that has soaked the platforms. Not as bad with Instagram since it is visual based and I can easily unfollow people that start spouting their rhetoric of hate or meanness, but definitely on Facebook.

This gang mentality that is entering Facebook and Twitter, which I easily deleted, made me take a long look at the way I allow Facebook to use me. Let's be real. Facebook is a platform for advertising and mining data for profit. It has been for a long time. Has it been a fun way to keep up with people?

Yes.

 But lately it seems to be a more invasive form of mindless entertainment and stress. I watched an excellent TED talk last night and several more that talk about social media and how it has changed us in ways we may not like. The first one is about how we are "connected" but more alone than ever. I highly recommend the books by this speaker in addition to listening to her talks. Yes, I just said BOOKS!  That is another thing that I have been focusing on lately.

And this speaker

And then there is this guy talking about why our screens make us less happy:

There are hundred of other videos that talk about the cost analysis of not using social media carefully. I used to love Facebook for the "connection", but after the election, the tune changed. People became bullies and even tried to initiate campaigns to ruin the lives of others that did not fit in the little boxes. This is insane. Hidden behind the safety of their screens, I have seen people make horrifically mean comments to others that I KNOW they would NOT say if they were actually facing that person. And it has caused me to really examine how I chose to spend my time. Cyber bullying has lead to suicides, with the bullies safely smug in the outcome and their belief that they were not the cause. They were and they still are. All of this concerns me for the future, so I will take back my share of Facebook's profit in my usage and assert control over how I use it and how much life it sucks from me. Because in reality, the time we give social media is time from our life clock. This is an excellent talk that made me think a little more about what all this has taken from me:

So I am making choices.

I have been making a conscious effort to limit my time spent on Facebook in particular. It hasn't been easy. The truth is that I have become addicted to the hits and bolts of  hormone rush that one gets with any crutch. It is a weird thing to realize that this has been carefully orchestrated by Facebook in order to gain time.

My time.

I am taking that back with writing, drawing, planting green things, spending time with my dogs and family, going outside and walking and taking time to learn new things, such as refreshing my skill at throwing actual pots, cups and other items on a pottery wheel. Also daydreaming, sketching, journaling, cooking from scratch, trying new recipes, reading books. REAL books. 

The tactile sensation of holding a book in your hand is something that I have always been in tune with, but when I was in college, I noticed that people just do not read the way I used to when I was younger. It is my understanding that this worrisome trend is slowly being reversed. but it does seem like the lure of video and electronic books was a rage for way too long. I understand the convenience of electronic books of you don't want all those physical things hanging around, but there is just no substitute for being able to sit down and feel the paper as you turn a page.

So I want to end this post by thanking you for spending your time reading my thoughts. I appreciate it. This blog is my space to interact and think things out. I would love to hear your thought.

Resolutions and Realities

Copyright Rhonda Davis

One of the things I struggle with lately is keeping my blog updated with content. Right now, part of that is because I am trying to figure out what I want to focus on. I am an empty nest Mom, so writing about trying to gain a sense of purpose after the kids are out and on their own is a possibility. I am also interested in getting finances under control. so there is another possibility. Another avenue is the fact that I am interested in traveling and exploring both here in Kansas and elsewhere. Another possible slant on topics. Picking a target is a bit of a challenge right now, so I think I have decided that I will take a couple months and just post it all. All the adventures and misadventures. I think trying to find my own voice is a struggle that a lot of us face.

 After having the title of "Mom" for so long, the title is the same, but the job description has changed. I am proud of the progress my 3 boys are making for themselves but I am also having to realize that sometimes my advice and opinion is not what they need as they figure out their path. I think stepping back is a challenge. I am trying to remind myself that I need to step back from the kids that I raised and get to know the adults they are becoming. My husband is so much better at letting them fly the nest. I am working on that.

Getting to know myself is another thing I am working on. Now that the "Mom" title has been modified, who am I working on. I know I love art, that was the degree I finally finished 2 years ago, but what else? One of the things I am passionate about in my work is communicating the ties that bind us to each other and the world. We tend to forget that as the natural world is plundered, we are plundering our future. This is something that I was able to really think about when I was at an artist's residency in Washington state. That residency was a turning point in my thinking and my work. I am currently working on a series about "connections". The connections with others and the environment. The connection between situations and between appearances. Things are not always black and white, no matter how much we think they are. I am interested in doing more traveling, talking and observing in order to make work about our connections and disconnections.

Life is interesting in every phase.