Resolutions and Realities

Copyright Rhonda Davis

One of the things I struggle with lately is keeping my blog updated with content. Right now, part of that is because I am trying to figure out what I want to focus on. I am an empty nest Mom, so writing about trying to gain a sense of purpose after the kids are out and on their own is a possibility. I am also interested in getting finances under control. so there is another possibility. Another avenue is the fact that I am interested in traveling and exploring both here in Kansas and elsewhere. Another possible slant on topics. Picking a target is a bit of a challenge right now, so I think I have decided that I will take a couple months and just post it all. All the adventures and misadventures. I think trying to find my own voice is a struggle that a lot of us face.

 After having the title of "Mom" for so long, the title is the same, but the job description has changed. I am proud of the progress my 3 boys are making for themselves but I am also having to realize that sometimes my advice and opinion is not what they need as they figure out their path. I think stepping back is a challenge. I am trying to remind myself that I need to step back from the kids that I raised and get to know the adults they are becoming. My husband is so much better at letting them fly the nest. I am working on that.

Getting to know myself is another thing I am working on. Now that the "Mom" title has been modified, who am I working on. I know I love art, that was the degree I finally finished 2 years ago, but what else? One of the things I am passionate about in my work is communicating the ties that bind us to each other and the world. We tend to forget that as the natural world is plundered, we are plundering our future. This is something that I was able to really think about when I was at an artist's residency in Washington state. That residency was a turning point in my thinking and my work. I am currently working on a series about "connections". The connections with others and the environment. The connection between situations and between appearances. Things are not always black and white, no matter how much we think they are. I am interested in doing more traveling, talking and observing in order to make work about our connections and disconnections.

Life is interesting in every phase.

No Spend Days...the redo

copyright Rhonda Davis 2017

                                                      



A couple months ago I decided to try to have a month of "no spend days". These are days where I don't buy anything that is absolutely not needed except things such as gas and food to be cooked at home. I got the idea from Cait Flanders and her "No Spend Year", which I knew was a bit too long for me, so I started with baby steps. Her blog is amazing and the resources she shares are definitely helpful--go check her out at https://caitflanders.com/

So how did I do on the baby step month?

Pretty badly. But at the same time, it was a success.

While the initial No Spend Month was a pretty dismal failure, the pangs of guilt when I spent allowed me to observe myself and my motivations. There have been successes, such as finally making time to go to the library to borrow some of the books that are hanging in my Amazon shopping cart and actually reasoning with myself MOST of the time that I have food at home instead of eating out. But there have been a lot of Amazon misadventures, grocery store overbuying when the pantry is perfectly full, eating food that I know is not nutritious and other little things that have eaten into the budget when they could have added to the savings account. But again, I have sat and observed these slip ups and this time decided to track my motivation or the situation that allowed the spending to happen. Not packing lunches, being bored and using retail therapy (even if it is at a thrift shop), and generally not keeping my goals of spending an extended time in the desert making art next year in the front of my mind.

There have been little things I am doing that are a bit expensive from the initial glance, but have actually saved me a bit of cash in the long run. One of these is subscribing to a meal delivery service, Hello Fresh. It is a bit pricey-- almost $60 for 3 meals for 2 people, but I found that I was getting immensely bored with cooking and as a result would overspend on processed foods. I am a vegetarian and the amount of easy to bake faux chicken patties was becoming something that I could not ignore. Quorn chick un patties are still pretty damn good in a pinch, but not as often as I was falling back on them because I was uninspired.

 Yes, I have cookbooks, but at that time I also overspent quite a bit when I went grocery shopping. So the solution was to subscribe to Hello Fresh as a temporary thing, have hubby do the bulk of the grocery shopping and then I would stick to cooking the three meals during the week and see if it helped my boredom and the budget. Surprisingly, it helped both. Immensely. And I continue getting the meal service since it has really taught me a lot of new techniques that I use when I repeat the recipes with my own ingredients. One of the new techniques I learned was how to make risotto.

I love risotto but had never made it on my own until I tried a mushroom risotto that Hello Fresh sent. After trying the recipe and loving it, I decided to make it again with ingredients that I bought (they send the ingredients to prepare theirs with each meal so not shopping at that time). Finding aborio rice here proved to be a little more of a challenge than I anticipated, so I spent a little more on it than I had anticipated (around $5 for a little less than a pound), so I will be on the lookout for it next time I go to Kansas City. The thing about risotto is that it takes time. You just don't put it on the stove and walk away. You have to slooooooooow down and stir the vegetable (or chicken if you are a meat eater) broth into the rice, which activates the starches and makes the dish creamy. It is the ultimate easy comfort food and the ultimate "make you slow down" technique. I am extremely pleased with learning this in an easy step by step manner that they provide. I always order risotto at restaurants and people make a bid deal over how hard it is to prepare. It really isn't. It just requires that you give it your attention and take the time to not rush it. In a way, it is a good way to discover your attention span limits. lol. But it is immensely satisfying to sit down with a warm creamy dish of it when you need comfort food. This is but one example of a lot of techniques that I have learned and it has boosted me out of the rut I was in. So this is an example of how sometimes spending a little more can help in the long run. I realized that I tend to overspend when I am bored or just need a quick "high" that buying tends to give. More cooking at home, less coffee out--a LOT LESS-- and baking treats at home have been my baby steps.

So right now, I am focusing on my goal of getting to Joshua Tree in the Spring to paint and produce work for a show. Maybe keeping my credit cards wrapped in a photo of the Joshua Trees that I took on my last trip out will provide the boost in motivation.

Creativity

 Copyright Rhonda Davis

In 2015, I received my B.F.A (Bachelor of Fine Art).

Finally!

 I waited until my kids were on their own until I went back to school full time. It was odd being the age of most students' parents and there were some funny things that the students assumed such as I was a professor --because of course I had the grey hair and age on my side. But it was also a good thing. So now I am working on figuring out which end is up and getting a body of work together to enter shows. There is a safe security to being in school. Once you get out, finding the routine and habits that will assist your goals are a bit hard to find initially. I used to think I needed a lot of people around to produce, but lately I am finding that I really enjoy time alone to just think.

My studio space is in El Dorado in an older building downtown. Nothing fancy, but I enjoy it immensely when I am there. I am in the process of re-establishing a working schedule for the studio after a long period away. The drive is almost 45 minutes to get there from my house, but it helps put me in the mindset of when I am there, I am working.

 I also discovered that I am really bad at working from home. Mainly because of all the distractions (needy cat and dogs, phone etc) and the interruptions (cat and dogs), so I am trying to find a balance. That said, I am hoping to eventually find something closer than a 45 minute drive so I am not using so much gas.

We shall see. This will be the season of finding a routine and a way to work that fits my life.

Another thing I have been trying to do is keep a daily sketchbook. It has been a pretty mixed pot of hit and miss, but starting in September I will be posting daily drawings to my instagram account (rglazapple) so I have some sort of accountability. This blog is also my foray into written creativity. It has been a bit bumpy finding my voice and finding a format that conveys what I want to say, but it is like drawing; the more you do it, the better you become.

How to you express your creativity?

No Spend Days

One of the things I have been focusing on in my attempt to simplify are my spending habits. It is too easy to get on Amazon and click-click-click away money that can be better served elsewhere. I have decided that I am going overseas in 2019, but in order to do that, spending has to be curtailed significantly. The little things here and there quickly eat away at any potential savings, so I have started focusing on having "no spending days". 

At first I had one day a week, now I am trying no spend weeks, which last from Sunday to Friday. The exception to the "no spending" is gas for the car and food for the animals. If we run out of something important, like milk--then that is another exception. So far it has worked pretty well. There have been a couple slip ups but overall I am learning to use it up and make do. I got this idea from reading Cait Flanders (https://caitflanders.com/)  blog. Take a peek at her blog and peruse through the articles. It is something I do regularly and I am constantly finding things to think about on her site. 

Getting used to not pulling out the card and just buying something has been a bit of an adjustment. It has also been eye opening. I have frittered away a lot of money in small amounts. But the goal of going somewhere grand has made it a bit easier to stick to the plan for the most part. 

It is also helping me not add clutter to my life, which is something I will talk about more in depth in the upcoming posts. 

What have you been doing with goals and budgets? Any tips or techniques to share? 

Things That Matter

copyright Rhonda Davis 

One of the things about getting older is that I am finally getting some insight--if even a little--on what I needed to know but was too busy to hear when I was younger.

Lately it has come through loud and clear to me that attaching meaning and feelings to objects is not always the best thing to do. Not sure if this is just a Southern thing, but quite early on, I fell into the habit of saving things from the past and attaching personal narratives and meaning to these things. As a result, over the years I have lugged WAY too much around in my physical home and my mental home. The amount of clutter has reached a point where I have recognized there is a problem. Why do I have problems attaching meaning and feelings to inanimate objects? This is something I have had to really force myself to think about. I think the generation today is less likely to view a "family heirloom" with the amount of sentimental attachment as past generations. I wish I had grown up with that attitude!

Things are just things. 

This is what I am trying to remember as I divest myself of the pack rat habit of thinking that these things have meaning beyond their purpose. Don't get me wrong, there are objects that I won't part with for sentimental reasons, but I also have collected a large amount of objects that need to be purged so that I can claim back visual and mental space. This is where I have been trying to read more on minimalism and figuring out the best way it can assist me in this endeavor.

I have been looking at a lot of blogs written by people who are embracing minimalism or restrictive consumption and it has been eye opening. I come from a family of "I might need that later" people. So now I am trying to break that at the ripe age of 52. What the hell has taken so long? OR maybe it is the fact that I am realizing that things tie us down and keep us tethered.

Are you a sentimental saver or is it easy for you to have a minimum amount of possessions?

Over the next couple weeks, I am doing a big purge and will be posting thoughts here. Share with me your ideas. inspirations and struggles.

Things That Matter, Things That Don't.

Copyright Rhonda Davis

The news in America is so full of sensationalism and false truth for the sake of getting attention that I have had to really filter out most of it. Actually more than most of it. Why? Because it is clear that American news is no longer reporting facts. Instead it is spinning facts into a web that may not even turn out to be anything remotely related to the truth once they chew it over and regurgitate it to the public.

Count me out.

If you look at America today, it is deeply polarized and everything is horrible and the world is going to end...if you believe the spin doctors.

I don't.

There is more good than bad in the world. And we really do NOT have to listen to the gossip machine to live as a good person in the world. All it takes is turning off the noise, deciding where you can be of use in your community and getting out there to meet people who may be very different than you. You don't even have to engage in political talk--it is actually much better if you do not. Talk about the weather. Talk about the sky. Talk about kids--yours or theirs--or grandkids or no kids. Talk about the place you live, your gardens, your homes, your neighborhoods. Talk about coffe. Talk about art. Talk about fishing or not fishing. Talk about  anything.

Just talk.

And listen. Really listen. Not to sway or bolster your views, but to learn what the other person feels.

Because it is in talking face to face that we combat the horrible chasm that the news is creating in America. By talking and even just being out there, we discover there is a lot more good to be had in the world than there is bad.

And we discover that for all of the supposed facts the media is spewing, they know nothing.
We have the power to see and be the good, even in the face of the gossip machine.

Tune it out, ignore it. Trust me, you won't miss it and you will be much richer and more at peace because of the absence of their noise.

The "B" word.

Budget.

Yes, the word that brings about visions of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for every meal from here to eternity.

 Lately I have been reading a lot of bloggers that are discussing their struggles and triumph with spending and making a budget. One video that particularly caught my eye was from the vlog "Break the Twitch". Take a look at this one:

One of the things he said that really resonated with me was the part about actually looking at his Amazon.com purchases and realizing that the trips and actual life experiences he was always saying he wanted but couldn't afford, were right there in all those purchases. I took a look at my purchases on Amazon and realized the ugly truth. Having the ability to just mindlessly hit "add to cart", which lead to the "buy now" or even the "buy with one click" has been hitting my wallet pretty damn hard. I want to spend a month in Joshua Tree in 2018 and this one impulse spot has been completely eating my dream, one purchase at a time.

After looking at the reality of just the first 4 months of 2017, I have decided that I will buckle down and be really engaged with my spending. Will impulse purchases happen? Probably. I liken it to dieting. There will be lapses, but the focus for me is to retrain myself. I am not completely sure where I saw this suggestion, but every time I am tempted to hit the BUY NOW button. I will instead put that item on my wish list and then transfer the amount from my checking to my savings account. I am tagging those deposits as "Money not spent on Amazon". At the end of the summer, I will add up how much I almost spent but saved instead and post it here. I will do that with other thwarted impulse purchases and label them accordingly.

In the meantime, check out "Break the Twitch" on YouTube. Lots of great information. Another blogger I love is Cait Flanders . She is actually one of the most influential bloggers that prompted me to take time to examine the money and time I am spending on stuff that really is just fluff. Wander through her web page. She has something for everyone who is looking to take control of their lives and live more intentionally.

There are a lot of mindless things we do that are aimed at pulling our attention from what is in OUR best interest. I am attempting to rescue myself from these negative influences and find a balance. It is increasingly hard in this world where digital is God and everyone is afraid to "miss out" if they do not have their electronic I.V hanging from their hand. I have been attempting to cut that cord and have really noticed "the twitch".

It is interesting that we have become a culture that is so disconnected to each other the more connected we get with "connecting" through our devices. It is robbing us of the ability to form bonds and empathy through actual physical interaction. This is dangerous. We become aware that we can spout off misinformation that is potentially harmful to someone else and then just turn our device off without seeing the pain we have caused. This is dangerous.

 I have cleaned my Facebook feed of people who do this and now I only see a very limited amount of information.I deleted my old Twitter account since it is the worst of the worst for hate and misinformation in short bites. I am primarily focusing on Instagram, which seems to at least have to visual stimulation (keeping in mind that I am only seeing glimpses of the story, not the full life).  Am I missing out? Maybe. Maybe not.

One thing I have noticed is that the outrages and "solidarity" calls come and go so quickly that it keeps drama addicts in a constantly indignant state of anger. Can this even be good for the body? No. Not at all. One huge thing I have noticed is that since I have purged people who constantly get angry about every little thing from my life, both digitally and physically, I have been able to focus more. At one point, I was having multiple panic attacks daily. After removing myself from several people and places that seemed to be where I experienced these episodes, my panic attacks have been nonexistent over the past 6 months. That alone is enough to make me continue to walk away.

I hope your Monday is beautiful.